First Comes Love

Birthdays are important to Rancho Cucamonga, CA couple Neka Dunlap and Diana Delgado. They first met at the birthday party of a common friend six years ago and quickly became friends upon realizing that they share the same birthdate. In the several years of friendship that followed, they would share their special day with one another, in part because they had so many friends in common.

However after a few years of knowing each other, the couple realized that there was something more to their friendship. “Since that first date, we have always been together,” said Diana. For Neka, the connection was immediate. “I knew pretty early in the relationship that I wanted to marry her,” she said.

An Exotic Proposal

Their common birthday also provided the perfect cover for a wedding proposal. Diana thought Neka planned a vacation to Jamaica as a birthday gift and as a way for her to learn about Neka’s heritage. Little did she know, Neka had bought an engagement ring earlier that year and planned to pop the question.

“My parents are from Jamaica and because it’s a strong part of who I am, I wanted to share that with Diana. That’s why I thought I’d propose on the island,” said Neka.

On their last night, Neka planned a candle-lit dinner on the beach. At the end of the meal, the waiter brought out dessert. By the time Diana saw the words “Will you marry me?” scrolled in chocolate on her plate, Neka was on one knee, looking up at her and holding a diamond ring.

“Neka and I are really old fashioned and we really believe in marriage. So it just made sense that we would take that next step,” said Diana.

Wedding Prep

Before they tie the knot officially, the two decided to move in together. “We actually lived pretty far from each other. I lived in Long Beach and Neka lived in Rancho Cucamonga. And I decided to move to Rancho because she has built a life here and it was best for us for me to live with her. Now we are together,” she said.

But moving in with one another didn’t stop Diana’s long commute. She said, “I’m commuting every day from Rancho Cucamonga to Torrance, where I still work.” It takes her two hours each way, amounting to 4 hours of travel per day. But for her it’s worth it, because she and Neka have begun a life together.

New Meaning

The couple had planned a ceremony on September 7 to declare their love before family and friends. But after the U.S. Supreme Court’s decisions on Prop. 8 and DOMA, their wedding has new meaning. Neka says that the Supreme Court’s rulings “were powerful for us because for the first time I felt that this country finally considered me, my life, and my love as being worthy of acknowledgment and equal treatment.”

The day after the decisions, she went to work and proudly announced her plans to her coworkers. She told them, elated, “I’m getting married—not a commitment ceremony, but a marriage ceremony, a wedding. My partner will not be my partner anymore… she will be my wife.”

The couple immediately contacted their attorney and cancelled their appointment to file for a domestic partnership. Instead they will be getting a marriage license.

But the couple acknowledges that despite the historic progress we’re seeing, there is still more to be done. “We have come a long way but still have more work to do to ensure that all of our brothers and sisters can be able to have this right in every state and every country.”

Update

Neka and Diana were married on September 3, 2013 at Rancho Las Lomas in Orange County, California.

Diana sent us some words about what the ceremony was like:

“[There is] something about those vows; professing your undying love to one another not only to each other but in the presence of your loved ones, does something to you.  The bond that is created from the moment you are in front of the Reverend, its breathtaking, it really sets forth your future together.”

And on what married life is like:

“We have been married one month now and I still feel butterflies every time I see her.  She’s just my bowl of sunshine.  We were very much committed to one another before…[but now with marriage equality] in full effect, life is so much easier, starting with the name change.  Having the freedom to say, this is my WIFE, Neka, not only by choice but by paper, LEGALLY. I am one proud wifey!

Here are a few photos from their wedding.

Take a Chance on Me

The story of how Mark Towns and Stephen Pearlman of Chicago first met six years ago is straight out of a romance novel. Mark owned a small business selling jewelry online and every week he would drop by his safe deposit box at a local bank. Stephen worked as a bank teller at that very branch and strategically timed the line so Mark would end up at his window. After two months of visits, Mark took a chance and gave Stephen his business card.

When Stephen got home, he visited the URL listed on the back of the card and discovered that Mark made synthpop remixes as a hobby. He came across a section devoted to the band Erasure. “It is my all-time favorite band, and I thought what are the chances of this?” He continues, “So after I found out that we had that in common, I gave him a call and said lets meet up for a drink after work one day.”

Stephen also creates electronic music in his spare time.  After getting to know each other personally, they agreed it was time to get to know each other’s music. Mark says, “We sat down next to one another and put our headphones on each other and pressed play at the same time. As soon as it started, I got giddy. It was unreal the music that he was making and I could tell the feelings were mutual. It was in that moment that we both knew we were meant to be together.”

The two began collaborating and have been making music together ever since.

Oh L’Amour

Before they moved in together, the couple would often conclude their dates by taking a stroll through their neighborhood park and, without missing a beat, sit on the same bench before parting ways.  “So that became our little park, and our little bench and we just loved it. It’s where we had our first kiss,” says Mark.

Some years later, the park was razed and the couple was concerned over what would replace it. Mark laughed, “We thought our special place was going to turn into a Walgreens or McDonalds.  Instead, they built a hotel. So now on every anniversary, we have a little stay-cation. The staff all knows how much the spot means to us so they treat us like royalty.”

Be With You

The couple is quick to note that they are the ying to each other’s yang.

Stephen loves Mark’s sense of adventure and his ability to pull him out of his shell. He says, “He gets me to do things I never thought I could do, and together I think we’ve been able to do some really neat things and I love that about him and our relationship.”

Mark adores how calm and patient Stephen is. “I’m inclined to road rage and Stephen is the exact opposite,” Mark jokes. “He’s very Zen like. He’s one of the gentlest people I’ve met. He’s extremely patient with me,” Mark says.

Had marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples been legal all along, Mark and Stephen would have been married three years ago, so the couple plans to wed the same day Illinois recognizes the freedom to marry. “There is almost no reason for us to wait, and there are so many benefits,” says Mark.

Unfortunately, because the Illinois House failed to pass marriage equality legislation last week, their wait will continue.

Dillon was born the day before New Year’s Eve amid streamers and noisemakers. For his parents, he is a manifestation of the love they have for one another and the joy of their lives.

But the world Dillon grows up in depends on the events that unfold in 35 days.

Dillon has two moms, Melissa Neufer and Erica Mikesh. Although they declared their love to one another before family and friends in a small commitment ceremony two years ago, they are prevented from marrying in their home state of California because of Prop. 8.

On March 26, AFER’s attorneys, led by distinguished co-counsel Ted Olson and David Boies, will argue before the United States Supreme Court that children like Dillon are guaranteed the same protections and rights as any other child in America. The fact that he has two mothers should not make him a second-class citizen. His parents should have the freedom to marry, and the right to be treated with equal dignity and respect under the law.

We have the chance to make sure Dillon grows up knowing that his parents are married. Please help AFER’s case for marriage equality at the Supreme Court by making a donation today.

Your tax-deductible gift will support AFER, the organization that was founded to bring the case against Prop. 8, hire the country’s best attorneys to argue it, and create an echo chamber of positive support for the case and marriage equality.

This is our opportunity, right now, to ensure a more just and equal society for children like Dillon. This is our chance to secure the freedom to marry for couples like Melissa and Erica. 

In May of this year, Becky Quillen and Renee Hall traveled from their small town in Tennessee to the sandy beaches of Hawai’i to declare their love for each other.

The commitment ceremony and vacation were a dream come true for the happy couple, until the last night.

“I awoke from a dead sleep with my heart racing and it would not stop,” recalls Becky. “I had to go to the hospital.”

“When I called 911, I was scared because in Tennessee you don’t say ‘I’m her wife’ or ‘I’m her girlfriend,’ says Renee.

Becky was taken to a local emergency room where her heart was reverted back to a normal rhythm.  Luckily, Becky was fine, but what followed was something they had never experienced before.

When she got the hospital Renee was able to fill out paperwork on behalf of Becky, and the nurse even directed her by saying, “Your wife is back here.”

“Hawaii was a completely different experience. They truly treated us like an equal couple. It was so liberating and free to be normal and treated like every other couple.”

Becky’s heart problem was quite the fright, but the experience of being treated with respect and dignity in such a nerve-wracking situation opened the couple’s eyes to the importance of equality in the nation.

A Nationwide Effect

Becky and Renee have lived the majority of their lives in Tennessee and they absolutely love it there. They hope that full federal marriage equality will help their area progress to be more accepting of LGBT people.

“I don’t foresee a [marriage equality] coming any time soon to Tennessee,” says Becky. “That is unless the U.S. Supreme Court rules in favor of it nationwide.”

“The Prop. 8 case is going to go a long way toward having [marriage equality] passed nationwide,” continues Renee. “Any state that makes a move like that is going to go a long way for us.”

The couple hopes that Renee’s daughter Ashley, who is a lesbian, and many other young people like her will never have to experience the discrimination that they have.

Hoping for More

Regardless of the struggles Becky and Renee face on a daily basis in Tennessee, they find strength in each other.

Becky describes Renee as, “loving, compassionate, and caring.” She continues, “Renee is my perfect best friend and she means everything to me. Honestly, I only thought I knew what love was until I met her.”

Renee says that she loves Becky’s “compassion that goes beyond limits for everyone and everything. She has this ability to love anyone no matter what.”

Becky and Renee’s lives changed when they had a commitment ceremony in Hawai’i this year. They are hoping that one day they can have a true, legally recognized wedding.

In June 2011, Jenni Chang and Lisa Dazols of San Francisco began a year-long trip that covered 15 countries across Asia, Africa and South America. In each country, they sought out what they refer to as the “Supergays,” people who are leading the LGBT movement in their respective countries.

“We wanted to take a year to travel together, but my lovely fiancé is an ambitious woman, and we wanted the trip to mean something,” recalls Lisa about how the idea first came about.

Jenni and Lisa documented their voyage on camera and through their blog, Out and Around. “We really hope that it can be a platform to help people,” says Jenni.

Lisa continues, “People [in these countries] really appreciate affirmation from the international community. We hope to continue that.”

Their goal is to “inspire gay youth by showing them examples of successful gay people around the world,” as well as decrease homophobia and shed light on the struggles of LGBT people in developing countries.

Great Minds Think Alike

Jenni knew Lisa wanted to get engaged with her grandfather’s ring, so she got it from Lisa’s family before they left on their expedition. She hid it in her luggage for months, waiting for the perfect place: a stunning beach in the Philippines.

Lisa also had plans to pop the question and was hiding a ring of her own. When you’re travelling the world together with limited baggage, keeping something even so small can be a daunting task.

But then Lisa started to grow anxious. “Jenni suspected that I was going to propose on her birthday and she told me that she wasn’t ready to get engaged and that I should hold off. Talk about heartache!” said Lisa.

“When I pulled out her grandfather’s ring and asked her to marry me, she was shocked,” recalls Jenni.

A Bright Future

After a long year of travel, a tough adjustment back to American life, and difficulties with Jenni’s parents not accepting their relationship, this couple has been put through the ringer. Regardless, their true love hasn’t faded one bit.

“Lisa is an incredibly generous person,” says Jenni. “She truly gives herself to people. Plus, she’s really funny! Sometimes I don’t know if I think she’s funny because I love her or if she actually is…” she jokes. “But really, Lisa is someone you can truly count on.”

“Jenni is a very big thinker. She’ll say things like, ‘Let’s quit our jobs and travel around the world!’” says Lisa. “She is always thinking about ways to make an impact and to grow.”

Jenni and Lisa are planning to have a wedding in June of 2013. Here’s hoping marriage will be legal for gay and lesbian couples in California by then.

Wendy Mayfield and Tammy Quaco of San Diego are thankful for a lot of things – namely, their family. With Tammy bringing two kids to the relationship, and Wendy bringing three, they worried that the new siblings would have a hard time blending.

It turns out that their worries were not necessary! In fact, their oldest daughters are best friends! “One time, Ashley said that she felt very lucky to have Wendy as a stepmom because she had Jennifer as a daughter. She said she couldn’t imagine having a better stepmother,” says Tammy.

The family is closer than Wendy and Tammy could have ever imagined. “We are a family, plain and simple,” adds Wendy.

Through the Hard Times

Although both Wendy and Tammy grew up in San Diego, they didn’t meet until about eight years ago. Since then, they both have had to deal with hardships faced by many couples in during the recent economic downturn, namely unemployment.

For most of her life, Wendy worked in retail management. However, she was laid off when the economy went south. She is now a paralegal. Tammy used to work in the casino industry and was laid off as well. She is now working in medical administration.

“The way the economy goes – when it’s slow, it’s slow. And we got laid off within a week of each other. It was really hard,” recalls Wendy. “We were planning to get married. We had a place set and ready to go but decided to postpone for the moment. Otherwise we would have used up all our savings,” continues Tammy.

The couple relied on each other and their family to get through those tough times.

An Unfair Adjustment

“I was really naïve when I came out,” says Tammy. “I didn’t even realize that one day I could lose the rights I had with my husband the day before.”

“Marriage would really help solidify our family,” says Wendy. “Just to be recognized [by the government] would be really nice.”

For now, they are still living with the constant need to explain and justify their beautiful family, and waiting on the day that they can be married.

Oscar Martinez and Arturo Ortiz of Atlanta have several reasons for wanting to get married, but their most important reason is family.  Not just any family, but the one they want to start.

“We have always known that we want to have a house with two kids and two dogs,” says Arturo. “We are very family-oriented – we’re ready!”

Adopting a child, however, is not going to be an easy process without being married. In order for a gay unmarried couple to adopt in Georgia, they have to do an open-ended adoption. After hearing about bad experiences, though, they are nervous to go that route.

“Friends of ours went through the process, and the mother changed her mind. That really intimidates us.” The couple is keeping their head high and working with a local gay and lesbian adoption association to help them with their process.

“We learned about some children in Mexico that get caught up in the system and we really want to help them out – so that’s the next step.”

Dream Wedding

Because they cannot legally marry here and do not want to wait any longer, Oscar and Arturo have a wedding planned for 2013 in Mexico City, where marriage is legal.

“The wedding is currently being planned and it will be our dream wedding to celebrate all that we have shared and all that is yet to be,” says Arturo.

Both Oscar and Arturo were raised in Mexico; so, it is only natural that they celebrate their nuptials with their friends and family in their home community. However, they will still have to wait for their marriage to be recognized in the United States

“We had a domestic partnership when we were living in Austin, but it was just a legal document. It was really nothing special,” says Oscar.

Focusing on the Love

Regardless of their trials and tribulations, Oscar and Arturo prefer to focus on their love and devotion to each other.

“No one knows me the way he does,” says Arturo about Oscar. “He’s my best friend, and he’s such a sweet person that keeps me grounded. We have grown as people together.”

“We have been through several changes. But every time, he never questioned the sacrifices he was making to be with me. He has always been supportive,” says Oscar of Arturo.

“We have gone through about a million and a half weddings at this point: friends, family, why can’t we have that? We have a relationship to be admired.”

Ray Rodriguez of Colorado recently retired after 21 years of service to his country in the United States Marine Corps.

Yet despite his bravery and willingness to die for his country, he was not afforded the same rights enjoyed by the men and women he stood beside.

“One problem I always had was trying to get Michael on the military base to see me,” says Ray. Because they are not married, they always had to go through extra hurdles and paperwork in order to see each other.

Because of his service, Ray is now entitled to several military benefits that would extend to Michael if circumstances were different. “If we were married [and the federal government recognized our marriage] and if I were to pass away, Michael would be protected. It is only fair that he receive what anyone else’s spouse would.”

From the First Date to Forever

Based on their love and commitment to each other, you would never guess that Michael and Ray’s first date was not very traditional. As a matter of fact, Ray didn’t even know that it was a date at the time!

“Michael and I met through a mutual friend. That friend told Michael that we were going to meet on a blind date, but I was not aware,” jokes Ray. “So I pretty much ignored him most of the evening.”

Michael says that he fell in love with Ray that first night they met. Since then, they have moved around Colorado and settled into a cozy home where they plan to grow old together.

“We love each other so much. We make sure we say, ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It’s important to us.

Dreaming of a Wedding

In August of 2005, Michael and Ray had been together for about a year and a half – and it had been the happiest time of their lives. However, they were looking for a way to take their love to the next step.

On a vacation to Hawaii, Ray set up a small, but beautiful ceremony with a minister and his sister, and Ray and Michael got their “Certified Reciprocal Beneficiary Relationship” from the state of Hawaii.

“We were both so happy and joyful at our ceremony and it felt just like a real wedding!” recalls Michael. “But we both knew that it was not legal still.”

After eight years together, Ray and Michael are still seeking a way to fill the void where their wedding belongs. Michael found the Colorado “Designated Beneficiary Agreement” that grants couples more rights and protections, although never the same as marriage and not the federal rights and privileges Michael is missing out on.

“At least we felt joined together at a ceremony we both loved,” says Ray. For them though, it is still not enough. “Michael really is the man that I love and I want to be married to for the rest of my life.”

“We love each other, we live together, we own a home, we are happy together and we want to get married. Why won’t they let us?”

On an average afternoon in the AFER office, the staff was ready to interview Ken Clayton and Scott Olson of Virginia for the Love Stories blog series. What they got was not at all what they expected.

Over in Virginia, Clayton had not told Scott that he was submitting them for the spotlight, nor why they needed to be on a mysterious phone call that day. The two parties connected, and the words started flowing…

“Scott, I love you so much, you are the most important person in the world to me. I know we never actually discussed what would happen if Virginia legalized marriage but when it does, I wanted to ask you….will you marry me.”

Right then and there, the people here at AFER got to witness one of the most touching and beautiful moments in the couple’s relationship as Clayton asked Scott for his hand in marriage. A joyous Scott accepted his proposal as the tearful team listened on.

“We’ve been together for nine years and I never thought it was going to happen because we live in Virginia,” explains and overwhelmed Scott. “I have always wanted to do it! My friends always ask if we will get married once Virginia passes the law, and I always said that I hope so – until now! This is the best!”

“I’m so glad he said yes!” Clayton says in reaction.

Harder Times

Although Clayton and Scott are currently at a high in their relationship, they have had their fair share of tough times. In 2008, the couple was shaken up by Scott’s cancer diagnosis.

“It was really scary because I was finally so happy,” recalls Scott. “I was afraid all of that was going to go away. In the back of my mind, I thought, ‘what if it becomes too much for him to handle and he leaves me?’”

However, the situation was quite the opposite. Clayton did everything he could to take care of Scott during that time. “I’m really good at controlling my emotions, but it was scary. But life is what you make of it. We make each day the best.”

At the time of Scott’s diagnosis, the doctors proposed a new kind of treatment for him. However, insurance issues made it difficult.

“The thing that irritates me the most about not being married is the fact that we don’t get the over 1,100 benefits that married people do,” explains Clayton.

Scott continues, “If I were to end up in an ICU unit, he wouldn’t even be able to come see me! That’s terrifying.”

A Loving Family

Even though this couple has the odds stacked against them, they insist they are just a normal, happy family living in Virginia with three rescue dogs and are very adamant about helping and saving animals.

“I never refer to them as dogs – they are my babies!” says Scott. “But in all seriousness, we tried to start a family at one point. My niece and nephew lost their mother and we were going to adopt them. It didn’t work out, but I would have done anything for them.”

Naturally, thanks to their recent engagement, they are looking forward to being able to throw a huge wedding.

“All our friends are going to be so excited!” Scott exclaims.

Hopefully, that huge wedding will happen sooner rather than later.

Update: After their interview with AFER, Clayton and Scott sadly lost their dog, Be’Lana. They are looking forward to adopting another pet from a local shelter and encourage everyone to do the same.

When it comes to the loving relationship of Ryan Bunson and Danny Fernandez of San Francisco, there is nothing non-traditional about this couple. Growing up in Pittsburgh and Miami respectively, by their twenties each of them made their way to a life of love and happiness in San Francisco.

On one lucky Monday evening, Danny and Ryan each stumbled upon the same restaurant and instantly connected. “I just saw this beautiful person standing next to me and thought, ‘Gosh, how nice it is to see such a great smile,’” recalls Danny. The pair started talking, and the relationship grew organically from there. “A few months later, we were completely in love.”

Today, Ryan and Danny are still living in San Francisco and have been together for over three years. “We get one another,” they continue. “We have similar goals; we have met each other’s parents and families. We just work.” Their relationship is certainly no different than any one else’s.

Planning for the Future

Now that Ryan and Danny have found each other, they are looking forward to starting a family. However, they would like to go the route of being legally married first.

“Marriage is part of strengthening familial bonds,” says Ryan. “We were at Danny’s family reunion recently and they were all asking us when we are having kids! Marriage is a traditional value.”

Danny explains, “We are looking into buying a house together and having kids. We don’t want to have to jump through extra hurdles.” Ryan continues, “The next steps we want to take in our lives will be challenging if we are not married.”

Relying on Each Other

Ryan and Danny attribute their successful relationship to their love, dedication and hard work. “We found each other so randomly!” Ryan jokes, “We bring happiness and youthfulness to each other and we are truly excited about being together. We are yin and yang to each other.”

Danny says of Ryan, “He really is my rock. I love his sweetness and his even-temperedness – I am a firecracker! We are total opposites, but we connect at the core of our beings. There is a level of trust there that is so fulfilling.”

Unfortunately, Ryan and Danny are still waiting on the ability to move their relationship forward.