American Foundation for Equal Rights

AP: Calif couples tell of gay marriage ban’s toll

Two same-sex couples gave intimate accounts of their private and public lives Monday during the opening day of a highly anticipated federal trial to decide the constitutionality of state bans on gay marriage, at times tearfully testifying about moments of awkwardness, disappointment and shame that they said resulted from their inability to legally wed.

“I’ve been in love with a woman for 10 years, and I don’t have access to a word for it,” said Kristin Perry, 45, the lead plaintiff in a lawsuit seeking to overturn the voter initiative that outlawed gay marriage in California. “You chose them over everybody else, and you want to feel that it is going to stick and that you are going to have the protection and support and inclusion that comes from letting people know you feel that way.”

Perry and her partner, Sandra Stier, 47, and a gay couple from Los Angeles, Paul Katami, 37, and Jeffrey Zarrillo, 36, were the first witnesses in a case that could become a landmark that determines if gay Americans have the right to marry. Their testimony, designed to demonstrate that the law passed as Proposition 8 promotes inequality, was expected to provide the human element during proceedings that will rely heavily on evidence from academic experts.

Katami, a manager for a fitness company, said he and Zarrillo “would love to have a family” but have intentionally postponed fatherhood until they can legally wed because they want their children to have the stability and sense of belonging that comes with being raised by married parents.

“The timeline for us always has been marriage first before family,” Katami said. “For us, marriage is so important because it solidifies the relationship and gives us access to the relationship that is global. The struggle we have legitimizing ourselves to other people would be eradicated.”

Read the rest of the AP article by Lisa Leff and Paul Elias here.